First Blog Post Ever

It was a tough road getting here.

So excited, I marched down the short hallway from my dorm to the lounge, booting up my laptop on the way. Upon entering, I surveyed my surroundings, seeking out the best possible blogging spot. I thought about sitting next to the guy on the couch, but he looked like he was engaged in actual school work, so I decided to be a good person and sit in the chair instead. All right--I set down my keys, my phone, and Ipod, and just as my butt is about to hit the cushy surface of the chair, my phone starts vibrating. It's the boyfriend. I miss the call. Oops. I head out to the hall to call him back (wouldn't want to disturb the intense-looking studying going on in the lounge) then realize that my laptop will be sitting all by it's lonely self. So I turn to couch-dude and have a short conversation that goes something like this:

Me: Hey, if I leave this here, will you make sure no one steals it?

CD: Uh...sure.

Me: Thanks, you're a sweetheart!

CD: Thanks

Me: And if you steal it...well, I know what you look like. So don't try anything funny.

CD:.........

So I chatted with the BF for a while. (He misses me. Go figure.) Then, ready once again to give a jump-start to my writing, I settled back in, laptop on top of my, well, lap.

But, as usual, I was distracted. After all, I can't have a good blog without a great name, now can I? Of course not. So I had to spend 20 minutes Facebook-chatting with Liz, brainstorming. So, if you're reading this, you'd better appreciate all the hard work that went into the creation of ItNeedsMoreCheese, subtitle, I Can Breathe Through This Blog.

What was I originally planning to talk about again? Oh yes.

I've recently begun to watch "Heroes", since my roommate Kelli so thoughtfully purchased the 1st season on DVD. It pretty much rocks my world. And it got me to thinkin': so many of these so-called "Super Powers" would basically be useless in real life. Let's deviate for a second and focus on X-Men. Controlling fire? Sweet, especially for battle purposes. Real-life applications, however, are limited to never needing matches, and being a real hoot to invite to a bonfire. Same sort of thing with electricity manipulation. All right! I can jumpstart my car with no cables! Now all I need is for some sort of water-fiend to attack the city, and then maybe I'll have a real purpose.

Reading minds, unless you are a police officer or a judge, seems downright depressing. Sure, it would let me know if I had a big hunk of spinach trapped between my teeth that no one wanted to mention. But other than that, I don't think I really want to know what people think about me all the time. I prefer to live my life in a beautiful cloud of self-denial, believing everyone likes me, and likes each other and is generally happy. Also, I REALLY don't want to know what my Stats professor was doing with his wife last Tuesday night. I'll pass on that.

Now, if I had my pick, I would pick something extremely useful, like being able to turn into animals. You know, Animorphs style. Except without all the catches, like the whole you have to actually touch the animal to absorb its DNA, and you can only be in a shape for two hours, and that whole saving the world from aliens crap. All of that, I could do without. I just want to win Animal Planet's pet tricks competions, occasional shark-swim up and down the Mississippi just to add excitement to some people's lives, and fly around wherever I want to go so that I will never have to drive again.

Speaking of driving, I have a pronouncement to make: Google Maps, you are forever dead to me. I trusted you, and you lead me astray. Waaaaaay astray. So you have no one to blame but yourself when I cut you from my life and instead fling myself into the waiting, sultry arms of MapQuest. YOUR PLEADING WILL NOT SWAY ME, GOOGLE MAPS. You have BROKEN MY HEART. Because of you, I sat in my car last night in some closed-down golf course, sniffing back tears as I anxiously scanned over your DECEITFUL DIRECTIONS OF ABANDONMENT, trying to figure out what I did wrong. Well, you know what? I did NOTHING wrong. YOU are at fault, and nothing that you, our therapist, OR your lawyer say can convince me otherwise. We are THROUGH. You have betrayed me, and emptied my gas tank during that merry little jaunt you sent me on, all throughout Columbia. And, okay, I DID manage to figure out where Wal-Mart is because of it, but that's NOT THE POINT. Especially since I've already forgotten how to get back there. But that's okay, because I have MapQuest now, and we are HAPPY TOGETHER. And MQ is better than you will ever be! That's right--I said it. And now we part ways forever. You will never find directions back to MY heart. You'll just have to seduce someone else with your big promises and easy-to-read-font. IT'S OVER.

Well...this post didn't exactly go in the direction I had planned. I'll try to do better next time.