I need a keeper. I really do. Sure, this whole adulthood thing is great, but seriously? I just need someone to follow me around, and keep from doing stupid things.
Case in point: most of today.
So, I had a dentist appointment this morning. I get up early (read: 9:00) to troop down to my car, which is parked waaaaaaaay out in the middle of Ethiopia. I get in my car, I spread my numerous maps out on the passenger seat. I peruse over them one final time. Convinced that I have them memorized, I start the ignition. Nothing happens. I try again. Squat. I look up, and see that the switch on my overhead light is set firmly at "ON". Crap. I left my light on, and now my battery is dead.
I call Mom and give her my sad story. Luckily, my mom is like a boyscout, and soon she shows up (She was in Columbia teaching a class), jumper cables in hand.
Okay, now my battery is recharged and I am ON MY WAY. I follow Mom for a while, until we go our separate ways. I followed her long enough that I only have ONE MORE TURN to take to get to the dentist's. Easy, right? Just ONE LEFT turn. To somewhere that I have actually been before.
I miss the turn.
So instead of Vanderveen Dental, I end up on a highway. When I realized that I was most definately on a highway, with no sight of a place to turn around, my initial reaction was something like this:
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
What can I say, I'm good in high-stress situation. Me, panic? Maybe at the disco, but not here, no sir. So I call my mom, who has left her phone in the van, and upon discovering that she is not answering, I hang up, and say a calm, collected prayer that went like this:
"WHY ISN'T MOM ANSWERING HER PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!! WHAT am I GOING to DO?????? I HATE DRIVING!!!!!"
So, plan B: I call the dentists office, to warn them I just might be a little teensy bit late, seeing as how I had NO IDEA WHERE THE CRAP I WAS.
It turned out okay, though, so you all can let go of that breath you were holding. I'm not still wandering aimlessly throughout the Columbia countryside. My very nice dentist directed me to the office.
And then I was told that I needed a root canal. Plus,9 fillings. Great.
Now, a small victory: I DID manage to get to Hobby Lobby without getting lost ONCE. Score!!!
But, when I left Hobby Lobby a little while later, I arrived at my car to find the doors locked, keys dangling from the ignition. That's right--I had locked them in. Luckily, I had a spare car key in my purse, because even I recognize my own 'tardness sometimes and come prepared.
After that, everything actually went in my favor for a while. That is, until, I returned to the dorm and tried to find the University Hospital, in order to get my antibiotics prescription filled. I must have walked around that stupid building ten times, looking for the lobby entrance. How was I supposed to know the way in was INSIDE THE PARKING GARAGE?
Seriously. I don't think I'm going to leave my dorm room for the rest of the day. I have enough food in here to keep me going, and I need to do some serious catching up on Pokemon DS. I've challenged Jeremy to a Pokemon battle, and I must uphold my honor by kicking his butt. I am such a nerd.
But to sum it up...I need a keeper. Maybe a butler, named Jasper, to follow me around, deal with my paperwork, and say things like "Miss, allow me to drive you." Yes...that sounds about right. And if my butler happened to be Jasper Cullen, I wouldn't frown on that either. (He could totally calm me down when I get panicky.)
Yes. That's the new plan.
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2 comments:
hahahahahaha... I can so relate- and I have no excuse like being eighteen years old. I got lost going to my GI doctor, whom I've been to like FOUR TIMES, and it's HALF A MILE from where I work. I have to call my husband (who undoubtedly thinks I'm the biggest dork ever) to get directions from HIM because he took me there ONCE.
living in a brand new place and getting to know where everything is definitely takes at least six months and you ALWAYS FEEL RETARDED. It's like starting a new job- suddenly your IQ seems to have dropped thirty points- everyone but you knows what's going on and where things are.
That was hilarious about your mom the Boy Scout- I had this mental image of Cyndi in a Boy Scout uniform leaping out from behind a bush with jumper cables in her hands. That was definitely God looking out for you that she was in Columbia!
yeah, sucks about the dentist. I need to go too but....I'm scared.
love you!
LOL that entry made me laugh for two reasons
1 - I have done the EXACT same thing on my way to the dentist, only I had lived in town for years and had absolutely no excuse. I too had to call the dentist office for directions after getting on the highway all the way to GEORGIA. Another entire state.
2 - Me and Faith are obsessed with Jasper Cullen, she named her broom after him (don't even ask), we wish he could be our keeper too.
I too have locked my keys in the car and let my battery die, but not all on the same day as getting epically lost so you definitely pwn the car disaster category. Congratulations?
We are so like this *does forehead pointy thing*
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